I'll Be Home For Halloween.
by Britz
Summary: I'm here just in time for Halloween with a challange for y'all! after #54 Jake trys to return home to Cassie for some old-school Halloween lovin', can he get there in time?


Britz-G'day, and in the sprit of things: Boo! Ahhh I scared ya, okay I'm a little hyper at the moment, it's only 10:15am and I've already had 2 cans of Coke, anyhow this fic is a challange set by my good friend Katie, thanks lass, anyhow it has these terms: It's a continuaton of #54 btw.   
  
1. Rachel and Tom must be avenging ghosts out to kill.   
  
2. Jake absolutely, positively has to be killed gruesomely.   
  
3. Cassie goes psycho and starts killing all the pretty little birdies. (I have weird friends.)   
  
4. Marco has a terrifying nightmare about corncobs and wil coyotes (is it wild coyotes? Wile E. coyote? You never did answer me lass, I'll just do both.)   
  
This was set for me like AGES ago but I thought I'd finallly write it for Halloween, anyhow tally-ho, pip-pip and lets get on with the bloody thing!   
  
Disclaimer-Animorphs ain't mine, Wile E. Coyote ain't mine, nothing in this story is kay?   
  
I'LL BE HOME FOR HALLOWEEN   
  
~All Hallows eve (Halloween-Duh) 2000/ Cassie's house~   
  
*Jake and Cassie sit on a sofa bed, watching horror movies, or at least Jake is, Cassie seems pretty focused on Jake.*   
  
Cassie-*nibbles at Jakes ear and rubs against him*   
  
Jake-*talking to the TV* No, don't go in there, you'll get stabbed! See now look behind you, *screaming and grusome splattering noise are heard from the TV* told you.   
  
Cassie-*cooing* Jake, oh Jaaake.   
  
Jake-*still watching the TV* Yeah?   
  
Cassie-*yelling* Jake!   
  
Jake-*turns to her* Yeah Cassie?   
  
Cassie-I was thinking tonight we could, you know, "be intimate." *jumps into Jake's lap.*   
  
Jake-Cassie, I trying to watching the TV.   
  
Cassie-siiiiigh, Jake I don't think you quite know what I mean by that. *whispers something in his ear*   
  
Jake-Oh? *eyes light up* ooooooh! Yeah baby!   
  
~Two minutes later.~   
  
*Cassie and Jake lie naked amongst the sheets of the sofa bed, Cassie is snuggled against Jake, who just stares with a blizted out expression*   
  
Jake-This is the single greatest night of my life.   
  
Cassie-Yah-huh.   
  
Jake-We really got to do this again sometime.   
  
Cassie-Next Halloween then.   
  
Jake-WHAT? A whole year away?   
  
Cassie-No, hang on, thats not good for me, how about Halloween in 3 or 4 years?   
  
Jake-Th-th-three or four YEARS?   
  
Cassie-problem?   
  
Jake-Yeah, why only on Halloween?   
  
Cassie-Well on Halloween people do the most hideous, most terrrifying, most disgusting things they can think of. So I "did" you.   
  
Jake-Ummmm, *thinks it over* ooookay.   
  
Cassie-So it's a date?   
  
Jake-You better believe it Cassie, *takes her hands* I'll be there, even if where broken up and you're dating a guy named Ronnie who calls you "Cass" while I'm somewhere off in Kelbrid space about to ram the Blade ship with a ship named after Rachel who dies while killing Tom, and succeeding by the way for all those idiots who think Tom didn't die, he did, she killed him, he's dead get over it! I'll be home for Halloween.   
  
Cassie-Ummm, okay, that's pretty specific isn't it?   
  
Jake-I'm just telling you how desperate I am to get laid, besides as if that could happen, pfft, "Cass." As if.   
  
~October 1 200...Umm, 2000 and .....Aww jeez, how many years went past in #54? Screw it, it's the year Cassie promised to do the mattress mambo with Jake./ End of #54~   
  
Jake-What was it Marco? 'Crazy, reckless, ruthless decisions'?   
  
Marco-*nods, wishing he'd kept his mouth shut no doubt*   
  
Jake-Full emergency power to the engines, Ram the Blade ship.   
  
*The Rachel rushes through space towards the Blade ship.*   
  
Jake-Wait! Wait! Stop!   
  
*The Rachel screeches to a halt.*   
  
Jake-I just remembered! We gotta get back to Earth!   
  
Tobias-   
  
Jake-3 or 4, possibly 5 years ago Cassie promised to do the No-No Cha-Cha with me this Halloween!   
  
Marco-Doing the nasty with Cassie? Well if that's the reason then anything it takes!   
  
Jake-Mr Worf, maximum warp, back to the Federation!   
  
Menderash-You mean, 'Menderash, maximum burn, back to Earth' right?   
  
Jake-Yeah, make it so.   
  
Menderash-Whatever.   
  
*The Rachel blasts off into Z-space.*   
  
~On the Blade ship~   
  
The One-Well, ummm, that was unexpected.   
  
Efflit-Yes, they just buggered off then.   
  
The One-Indeed.   
  
Efflit-Soooo, what'cha what to do now then?   
  
The One-Hmmm, I dunno, wanna play 'Go Fish'?   
  
Efflit-Hmmmm, okay.   
  
~October 6 2000 and whatever / Earth~   
  
*The Rachel flys down to Earth and lands*   
  
Tobias-   
  
Jake-I don't know, I wasn't watching, Menderash which continent is this?   
  
Menderash-Pfft, like I know, I'm an Andalite.   
  
Jake-Alright lets just open the door and ask.   
  
*they open the door and see two guys standing nearby*   
  
Jake-Excuse me, I say excuse me!   
  
Aussie1-G'day mate.   
  
Jake-could you tell us what country this is?   
  
Aussie2-It's Aus-traaal-ya mate, so throw another shrimp on the barbie.   
  
Aussie1-*hits Aussie2 upside the head* How many times have I got to tell you, it's a prawn! Not a shrimp, a prawn!   
  
Jake-*turns to the others* No we defiantly don't want to be here.   
  
*they close the door and take off again*   
  
~October 7 200-/ somewhere over California~   
  
Jake-Alright we've tracked Cassie down with plenty of time to spare, now to make a grand entrance! (Cassie worked and lived in California in #54 remember.)   
  
Menderash-Umm, Jake, I seem to be having a problem with the equipment.   
  
Jake-Well Menderash maybe you should see a doctor for that, but I don't think now's the time to bring it up.   
  
Menderash-Not like that! Jesus H. Sodapop Christ! I'm talking about the ships equipment, nothing's working for me!   
  
Marco-Well that could be a problem.   
  
Menderash-Damn straight.   
  
*Rachel's ghost pops through the view screen*   
  
Rachel-Boo y'all!   
  
All except Rachel-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!   
  
Rachel-How are things?   
  
All except Rachel-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!   
  
Rachel-Stop doing that.   
  
All except Rachel-AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!   
  
*Tom's ghost appears*   
  
Tom-Boo! Grrr! Bleh!   
  
Tobias-   
  
Tom-Damnit! See Rachel this is why I wanted to go first!   
  
Rachel-Jeeez, sor-ree.   
  
Jake-Why are you here?   
  
Tom-*speaking with that weird echoing voice ghost have in cartoons* to seek reveeeeenge, ooooooooooo.   
  
Marco-so what hideous, unspeakable, otherworldly punishments are you going to perform on us?   
  
Rachel-Well I was just going to give you all noogies and not send you Christmas cards this year.   
  
Marco-*hopefully* Nookies?   
  
Jake-*hopefully* Cookies?   
  
Rachel-No, NOOGIES fools!   
  
Marco and Jake-Damn!   
  
Tobias-   
  
Tom-meanwhile I was going to take control of the ship, and crash it into the ground.   
  
Tobias-   
  
Tom-Yes, it is. *screws around with the controls and the ship blasts across the sky.* I'll see you in Hell! In about five minutes I reckon.   
  
Rachel-Though if you do survive I'll be back to hand out those noogies!   
  
*Rachel and Tom disappear*   
  
Marco-Nook...?   
  
Rachel-*reappears* NO!!! *disappears again.*   
  
*'The Rachel' ripped around the world in 80 seconds, beats the SHIT out of 80 days huh? bit's and pieces fell of the ship.*   
  
Menderash-*the stress putting a Scottish accent in his voice* She's going to fast captain, through the atmosphere, she can't take the strain!   
  
Jake-*stress making his voice, well just plain weird, like Shatner* This could....Be a...Prob.....Lem....Brace yourself for............Impact!   
  
*'The Rachel' smashes into the ground*   
  
~October 8/ Marco's subconscious~   
  
*Marco is drowning in endless sea of corncobs*   
  
Marco-AHHHHHHHH!!!! AHHH!!! Help me somebody! AHHHH!!! *sinks below the corncobs then climbs back up again, spits out a corncob* help me!   
  
*Rachel's ghost appears*   
  
Marco-Rachel? What are you doing here? Why am I drowning in corncobs?   
  
Rachel-Well it's a dream, duh! I'm screwing around with your dream for revenge.   
  
Marco-Why bother me, I didn't do anything to you.   
  
Rachel-eh, who cares, I'm dead, who's got bigger problems?   
  
Marco-Point taken, why the corncobs?   
  
Rachel-They were just in the challange terms.   
  
Marco-Kay.   
  
Rachel-Check this out, *raises up one hand and a huge wave of corncobs forms.*   
  
Marco-Ooookay.   
  
Rachel-Thats not all either. *takes the hand down and the wave crashes over Marco's head.*   
  
Marco-*swims to the top again* Ouch! Y'know that really hurt, usually in my dreams you're a lot nicer *thinks about it* mostly a whole lot more amorous too, you catch my drift?   
  
Rachel-*pulls Marco out of the corncob sea and throws him*   
  
Marco-*flying through the air* AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! *crashes into a desert* OW! That endless corncob sea sure ended alot sooner than most endless seas end.   
  
Wile E. Coyote-Now now don't go questioning descriptions like that my dear boy, it's both a dream and a bad fic after all.   
  
Marco-OhmiGod! It's Wile E. Coyote, can I have your autograph man?   
  
Wile E. Coyote-Sorry mi'laddo but I can't, I'm working. You see in this dream there's got to be wild coyotes and terror, whats going on here just isn't cutting it.   
  
Marco-Damn, so what are you gonna do?   
  
Wile E. Coyote-This. *clicks his fingers and disappears, a dozen wild, hungry, coyotes appear in his place.*   
  
Marco-Well that's not good. *Is attacked and savanged by coyotes* AHHHHH!! Ow! Oh God! Oh God AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!   
  
*a coyote rips off Marco's left arm and runs off with it.*   
  
Marco-Hell, how am I going to operate my digital watch now? (That one's for you Doug.)   
  
*another two coyotes rip off Marco's legs and run off with them*   
  
Marco-Ow! Oi! I'm not done with those!   
  
*a coyote rears it's head between Marco's legs and prepares to bite down on his crotch*   
  
Marco-Oh no, no! No! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!   
  
~October 8/ wreckage of 'The Rachel'~   
  
Marco-*wakes up screaming* AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! Eh? Oh it was all a dream.   
  
Rachel-*appears beside him* Of course it was all a dream, I already told you that *smacks Marco upside the head and disappears again*   
  
Marco-Oh yeah. *sees the dead bodies of Jeanne and Santorelli* OhmiGod! Jeanne, Santorelli *sniff* neither of you got a single line in the fic and now you're dead. Oh well, too bad.   
  
*Marco struggles his way out of the wreckage and sees Jake, Tobias and Menderash, all are surrounded by people immediantly*   
  
Hawaiian girl-Aloha, *puts a Hawaiian ley around Marcos neck* welcome to Hawaii.   
  
Marco-Hey, how you doin'?   
  
Jake-Hang on, we're in Hawaii?   
  
Hawaii guy-Yeah.   
  
Jake-Oh-No! I gotta get out of here! Later dudes, Im hauling ass to California! *runs down the beach, jumps into the water and swims away towards The U.S of A (although technically Hawaii is part of the USA, but you get the idea.) faster than Ian Thorpe with a torpedo up his butt.*   
  
Marco-*trying to call out to him* Jake! Jake! I brought some money with me, we could probaly get a plane! Jake?!   
  
Tobias-   
  
Marco-Damn that boy can swim to get some, what a horndog. *The Hawaiian girl wispers something in his ear* I like the sound of that *she hands him a room-key and walks off, he follows like a faithful dog, panting.*   
  
~October 21/ USA shoreline~   
  
*Jake lays panting on the beach.*   
  
Jake-*calling out to one guy* Hey buddy, where abouts could I find California?   
  
Buddy-Thats on the other side of the continent you idiot.   
  
Jake-D'oh! *slowly pulls hiself to his feet and starts running in the general direction of California.   
  
~October 26/somewhere on a desert highway in America.~   
  
*Jake is running as fast as his legs can carry him and he come across some other filthy-looking guy running .*   
  
Guy-Hello, I'm Forrest, Forrest Gump, are you running across the continent too?   
  
Jake-Yeah, theres a girl a girl in California who promised to play hide the weasel with me on Halloween, you dig?   
  
Forrest-It's like my mamma always said, "Life is like a box of chocolates, you never know when you're gonna get some." (hee hee.)   
  
Jake-*studies Forrest's face for a moment* Anyone ever tell you, you look like Tom Hanks?   
  
Forrest-Yeah, I get that all the time.   
  
~October 31/ California~   
  
*Jake runs past a sign reading "Welcome To California, Home Of Cassie." Sees a kid standing by the sign.*   
  
Jake-You boy! What day is this?   
  
Kid-*with a cute little English accent* Why it's Christmas day Gov'ner   
  
Jake-You sure?   
  
Kid-Oh hang on a sec, no it's Halloween innit?   
  
Jake-Good lad, *runs off again*   
  
*All in slow motion as the "Chariots of Fire" music plays, Jake runs across lawns through sprinklers*   
  
Jake-CAAAAASSSSSSSIIIIIEEEEEEE!!!   
  
*Jake runs across Cassie's front lawn, up her steps, onto her porch and has his left shoulder blown off, a mist of blood sprays out from the exit wound, back to normal speed.*   
  
Jake-*grabs at his bloody shoulder* AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OWWWW!!!!   
  
*Cassie comes out the front door holding a shotgun, the door has a huge hole from her first shot.*   
  
Cassie-I knew you'd remember! Goddamnit! Get lost Jake I ain't getting horizontal with you!   
  
Jake-Please? *Cassie blows off his kneecap and he collapses* OUCH! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!! But you promised!   
  
Cassie-Jake that was 3 or 4 possibly 5 years ago, NO!   
  
Jake-*starts crawling towards Cassie leaving a bloody trail behind him* Come on, be a pal!   
  
Cassie-No Jake! I'm not going to have sex with you!   
  
Jake-Hang on, isn't that the first time anyone has said "sex" despite the whole bloody fic has been about it?   
  
Cassie-You know, I think it is. Weird. *blows another hole through Jake but he keeps crawling at her, she trys to shoot again but the gun clicks empty.* Damnit! I thought three bullets would be enough to stop you!   
  
Jake-You're a fool, three bullets won't stop a teenage horndog! A wall of fire won't stop a teenage horndog!   
  
*Cassie runs through the house into the kitchen with Jake crawling after her leaving an overly gruesome trail of blood and intestinal track behind him.*   
  
Cassie-*grabs the fridge and starts trying to turn it over onto Jake*   
  
Jake-Come on Cassie, I've come so far, can't you just lay still and let me do as I may?   
  
*Rachel's ghost appears*   
  
Cassie-OhmiGod! Rachel? Aren't you dead?   
  
Rachel-Yeah I'm getting that alot lately, come on I'm here to help you with that fridge.   
  
Cassie-Why?   
  
Rachel-Well me and Tom had to be "avenging ghosts out to KILL." I just wanted to give them noogies.   
  
Cassie-Hang on, nook...?   
  
Rachel-NOOOOO!!!! Sweet Jesus! Just let's move the fridge.   
  
*Rachel and Cassie tug at the fridge till it starts to fall at Jake.*   
  
Jake-*talking fast You know I think I've changed my mind I'm not that desperate, I can do it myself! AHHHHHHHHH!!! *CRUNCH! A wave of blood and guts floods out from underneth the fridge, coating the kitchen floor.*   
  
Cassie-Ewww! That was gruesome.   
  
Rachel-Absolutely positively. *disappears.*   
  
Cassie-Wow, I haven't taken a life in years, WHAT A RUSH! MUAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! *Jumps through the kitchen window, into the backyard and begins killing a group of conveniently placed pretty little birdies*   
  
~October 31/ Marcos mansion.~   
  
Marco's butler McPherson (or as Marco perferred 'Wetherbee') answered the knocking at the main door, yes even after Marco had disappeared for a year he was still doing his job.   
  
The knocker was none other than Marco, on his arm was the beautiful girl that he meet on Hawaii, "Hey Wetherbee, how they hanging?" He asked loudly.   
  
'Wetherbee' gritted his teeth "for the last time sir, my name is McPherson."   
  
"Yeah yeah sure sure," was Marco's reply and he started to lead his lovely guest through the house, like he was giving a tour. "And this is the....." He stopped in mid-sentence, someone had given his lounge room one hell of an unusual make-over.   
  
Corncobs littered the floor and were in piles in the corners, life size statues of coyotes in vicious poses lined the walls, snarling grins frozen on their porcelin muzzles.   
  
Marco stared in disbelief around the room, his Hawaiian lover grinned, exposing canines that had become wicked fangs, her forehead ridged and nose flattened turning her face into the grotesque mask of a vampire that the makeup artists of 'Buffy' would be proud of.   
  
She grabbed Marco from behind, bit into neck and threw him to the ground, "AHHHHHHH!!!!" He screamed. "There's a corncob sticking right into my back and it's really uncomfortable!!!!"   
  
Suddenly the coyote statues burst into life, wasting no time they too attacked poor Marco, blood went everywhere and his left arm went AWOL yet again "shit, I really got to keep a closer eye on that limb in future." He told no-one in paticular.   
  
"Wether..I mean McPherson! McPherson man help me!" He yelled, reaching out his remaining hand in his butlers direction.   
  
McPherson simply watched the attack then put up one hand, running it through his hair, then stopped, he pulled at the hair and yanked off the McPherson mask, his fuzzy snout popped out, his laughing yellow eyes were uncovered.   
  
Wile E. smiled and told Marco in his gruff yet classy tone, "Happy Halloween."   
  
~THE MERCIFUL END~   
  
Britz-Review or DIE!!!!!!!! Boo!


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